he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
