I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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