I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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