tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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