just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
