'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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