Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
