My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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