I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just tell him i said nine months
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
