why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
