Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
