the new term for farting is butt boxing.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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