you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
