Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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