I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Can Purell be used as lube?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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