Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
