Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
