I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
