I have demons in me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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