So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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