You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
