By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
