he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
