can we get nightvision for the apartment?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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