Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
