You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
