Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize