I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
