in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
