I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
