If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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