we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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