You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
