At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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