God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
