Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
