well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
