her vagina looked like bernie madoff
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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