The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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