come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
