I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
