I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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