all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My balls are so social today.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
