Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
