yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
