I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
