how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
