Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
