My underwear smells like fireworks.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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