found the other keg... it's in the tree
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
