i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
