You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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