How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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