Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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