He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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