im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
