new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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