I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
