i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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