She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
