her vagina looked like bernie madoff
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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