I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hippo gnu deer
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
