best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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