I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize