Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
