My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
