did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize