"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
