In America we eat man semen.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
