no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
